Aimee’s Random Thoughts: less than 24 hours

07 January 2007

less than 24 hours

Death has come knocking at our door. Yesterday my Mom began the final slide toward home. She was given less than 24 hours. I spent several hours at the hospital with my Mom and my Dad and my Aunt. I had a good conversation with Mom. She told me she was scared to die and I got to share with her what I thought heaven was like. In the end she said, "I'll be better off." and smiled a little smile. That flooded my heart with peace. It's funny, lots of people would say that she has to prayer "the sinner's prayer" or she's going to hell. And, quite honestly, I don't know if she's ever prayed that prayer. Probably not. But, I think God is bigger than our attempts to box in his grace. We, as humans, need to quantify and qualify things of the spiritual realm in such a way that they make sense to us. But, God is so much bigger and so much, well... more, than we can ever comprehend. In the end, I think we just need to have faith in Him and not in our rituals. OK, enough preaching. (I'm processing here, just in case you didn't figure that out.)

What happened to cause this sudden turn? Here's my theory. I talked with Dad on Friday and in that conversation he told me that he realized Mom was dying and would not make it until spring. He also told me that he thought she had given up. My Mom's a fighter. She always has been. She's not had an easy life and she has worked hard and fought her whole life for control over her destiny. I think she has fought harder than any of us have realized during this last bout of cancer. She wanted to have a nice family Christmas and see all her grandkids again. She had hopes and dreams of the future. But, I think, on Friday she realized that it's over and she quit fighting. I don't blame her. It would be hard to maintain the fight when you can't get out of bed.

I hope and pray that she can go peacefully into death. I hope and pray that Jeff & Pam (my brother and his wife) and John & Shelly, Hayley, Collin & Sean (my sister and her family) can make it in time to say goodbye. I hope and pray that we, as a family, are able to comfort one another and support one another in our grief. I hope and pray that my Dad will feel good about how he supported Mom through the years and that he will have a lot of happy memories to lean back on. I hope and pray that Dad can grieve well and that people will surround him when he needs it and give him space when he needs that. I hope and pray that people will find God in the midst of all this and cling to Him with everything they have.

I'm going up to the hospital now to be with my family. Go spend time with someone you love. Give them your love and attention. Tell them how much they mean to you. Don't take any moment for granted.

Labels: My Mom

posted by Aimee @ 5:52 AM

1 Comments:

At January 08, 2007 9:17 AM, Anonymous said…

Gods grace...it's beyond out comprehension....He KNOWS... I hope and pray that you know I am here for you! I love you! Amy