Aimee’s Random Thoughts: gone

07 January 2007

gone

She's gone. Mom died today at 4:10 pm. She went peacefully. Her breathing simply got slower and slower until it finally stopped. She was surrounded by her family. Dad was on her left side holding her hand and stroking her hair. I was on her right side. Shelly and her two older kids, Hayley and Collin were by Dad. Jeff and Pam and Bryan were over by me. And she just simply stopped breathing.

My Dad is really torn up. He is overwhelmed with his grief. I feel as though part of me has been torn off and I have a gaping wound. Except I can't actually find the wound and fix it. We had dinner over at Mom & Dad's this evening. I just spent a lot of time looking at things in her house & remembering moments or thinking of future moments that we won't ever get. I honestly can't imagine my future without her right now. There is so much history and so many dumb little rituals that we had. Whenever I called her on the phone I would always greet her with "Hi Mom! It's Aimee." And she would reply, "Hi Aimee! It's Mom." We always talked about what she was going to do around the house (taking the siding off and repairing the original brick was this summer's big project.) We talked about what she was planting in her many flower gardens. And how she was going to help me with my gardens since I was finally going to own a house here in town this year. We would look through magazines and catalogs together and create dream lists of stuff we would buy if we were millionaires. We would talk about the cute things the grandchildren were doing and I would give her pictures that she would take to work to show off. I ate lunch with her at work on Fridays. She would get to show off her grandkids live on those days.

It was only in recent years that Mom learned to say, "I love you." She never said it growing up. But, I started working on her a few years back. I ended every conversation with "I love you, Mom." And eventually, she went from "me too, you." to a full fledged, "I love you." I always knew she loved me, but it's nice to hear the words. I can still hear her voice. I am going to miss her more than I can say.

We meet with the funeral director tomorrow to make all the decisions you make with a funeral director. Then tomorrow evening we are gathering as a family to talk and remember and put together the service. The visitation is Tuesday from 2-4 and 6-8 at Chiles & Son's Funeral Home. The funeral is Wednesday at 11:00 at the church.

One of the hard parts is --- I came to Lima this weekend with the idea that I was just going to visit with Mom, do some cleaning at the house, see if Dad needed anything. And then I was going to drive home early Monday morning. I wasn't coming to watch Mom die and go to her funeral. That wasn't what this trip was about. It all happened so quickly and I feel shell shocked.

I don't think the boys really understand. And I feel sad for everything they will miss out on with her. And, in spite of the rawness of my emotions I still remember that God is holding me and loving me. Just as He is holding and loving my Mom right now. And my Dad. And my sister. And my brother. And my husband. And all the grandkids. He is God. The God who made us and loves us beyond our comprehension.

Labels: My Mom

posted by Aimee @ 9:48 PM

8 Comments:

At January 08, 2007 7:49 AM, Sandra said…

My heart goes out to you during this painful time!

I hope that blogging will help you work through your conflicting feelings.

Peace & Best wishes.
At January 08, 2007 8:27 AM, Anonymous said…

Our family is thinking of you and yours...
At January 08, 2007 9:18 AM, Anonymous said…

I know...I know....my heart bleeds for you! Love, A
At January 08, 2007 5:32 PM, Anonymous said…

Hey,

I am praying for you and your family. Your tribute to your mom was beautiful.

Love,
Terri Martin
At January 08, 2007 9:14 PM, Jonna said…

Thinking and praying for you all.

I love you,
Jonna
At January 09, 2007 5:12 PM, Anonymous said…

I am praying for you and your family...for peace. Your words about your mother, love, and relationship on this side of heaven are ones I'll long remember.
Blessings,
Cindy Wymer
At January 10, 2007 12:06 PM, Anonymous said…

Aimee, Bryan, and boys,
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Traci
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