Our microwave is ancient. It is built in above the stove top and is so old that the display no longer works. The only way we’ve figured out to get it to work is push the start button several times and then keep an eye on whatever is in there. Early on I tried timing the start button to see for how long it actually set the microwave. The first time: 28 seconds. The second time: 4 seconds. The third time: 2 minutes and 14 seconds. I then gave up on the theory that the start button actually had a set time. Add to that problem, the fact that I am convinced this ancient microwave is leaking radiation so I try to never be near it when it is running. (protecting the unborn.)
So, this morning, being quite the homemaker that I am, I decided I would microwave my kitchen sponge. Supposedly this will eliminate those yucky odors and deliver a fresh, clean sponge. I put the sponge in, push the start button several times and leave the room (protecting the unborn) to go brush my teeth. After I brush my teeth I discover that Xavier is naked and playing in the living room. This is normally not a big deal, but since the school bus was due in about two minutes I went a little ballistic. Got him dressed and shoved out the door ready for the bus.
Well, apparently there is a time limit on how long you should microwave a sponge. And, as you can see by the picture below (yucky, un-microwaved sponge on left; clean and freshly microwaved sponge on right) I exceeded that time limit.
As I was hosing down the sponge and eliminating the flames from the microwave (by the way, turning on the oven exhaust fan will only add to the fire) my son Max declared that I should be banned from the kitchen. In his words, “Mom, you catch too many things on fire!” Thank you dear boy; isn’t it time for you to go to school now?
The pathetic part of this story is that I was genuinely surprised when I opened the microwave. Not just at the fact that I had burned up a sponge and almost our house. In the span of about 4 minutes, I had totally forgotten that I had put the sponge in the microwave. Maybe Max is right. Maybe I should be banned from the kitchen.
People may tell you that you have a small appetite... but you aren't under eating. You just aren't a pig. (Not sure where they got this. I am a pig with a capital PIG!)
You are a very picky pizza eater. Not any pizza will do. You fit in best in the Northeast part of the US. (What in the world does this mean????)
Your taste in food tends to favor what's rich and comforting. You prefer food that will definitely satisfy you. (They didn't have chocolate as a pizza topping choice....)
You are generous, outgoing, and considerate with your choices. (Oh, yes. Everyone says this about me.... )
You are cultured and intellectual. You should consider traveling to Vienna. (I'm considering taking a trip this fall...)
The stereotype that best fits you is hippie. You knew it was coming. (Well, I knew I am a hippie, but I didn't know that was revealed in my pizza choices....)
YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Blue Dragon
YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street):
Lynn Latham
YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom's maiden name):
Heraiwit
YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): Pink Tonic
YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom's maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad's middle name + 1st letter of a sibling's first name + last letter of your Mom's middle name):
Icliejn
YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa's first name + Jones):
Henrietta Jones
YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Six
It's been the week from hell here in the Bucher household. Every member of the family has puked multiple times in the last 6 days. We've all been in a bit of a fog and not really sure which way is up. But, we Buchers are not ones to wallow in our pukiness. Rather, we laugh in the face of illness and mock the viruses that strive to beat us down. (Well, actually, laughing might make us start puking again, so here are others who are able to laugh.) Enjoy!
And, finally, no one is laughing in this short video, but it's a favorite of the boys. I think you'll enjoy this sneaky penguin. You'll have to watch it more than once to figure out what's really happening. :)
OK, this is one of those silly/dumb/sometimes-annoying email forwards. BUT, it made me laugh out loud and I thought maybe some of you would enjoy it.
Bored Husbands in WalMart A letter from WalMart management:
Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minutei ntervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, Code 3 in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if he could help him, he began to cry and asked 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants wree located. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" And, last, but not least! 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while, then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
OK, it's been exactly one month since I've posted anything. I've been pretty depressed and basically hibernating. But, my good friends here in Wilmore took me out to dinner Tuesday night and that kind of broke me out of my slump. Thank you, my friends.
My Mom is doing OK. She doesn't seem to be as tired from the chemo these days. Or maybe, she's just as tired, but she's learning to adapt and cope and thus doesn't seem as tired to the rest of us. She is planning to host a Thanksgiving dinner for her parents and a few other relatives. She's going to buy the dinner at Meijer and just reheat it all. I'll be on hand the day before and the day of to help out. It should be nice. I need to learn to appreciate these mundane activities while I still have them.
I found this on a couple of other blogs I like to read. I thought it would be interesting to see what I've done. What I have discovered is that I haven't done much! (I'm pretty good at mundane. lol) I resisted adding comments to every item. (None of us have that much time. lol)
What have you done? 01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink 02. Swam with wild dolphins 03. Climbed a mountain 04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 05. Been inside the Great Pyramid 06. Held a tarantula 07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 08. Said “I love you” and meant it 09. Hugged a tree 10. Bungee jumped 11. Visited Paris 12. Watched a lightning storm at sea 13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise 14. Seen the Northern Lights 15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards) 16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa 17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables 18. Touched an iceberg 19. Slept under the stars 20. Changed a baby’s diaper 21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon 22. Watched a meteor shower 23. Gotten drunk on champagne 24. Given more than you can afford to charity 25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 27. Had a food fight 28. Bet on a winning horse 29. Asked out a stranger 30. Had a snowball fight 31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 32. Held a lamb 33. Seen a total eclipse 34. Ridden a roller coaster 35. Hit a home run 36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking 37. Adopted an accent for an entire day 38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment 39. Had two hard drives for your computer 40. Visited all 50 states 41. Taken care of someone who was drunk. 42. Had amazing friends 43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country 44. Watched wild whales 45. Stolen a sign 46. Backpacked in Europe. 47. Taken a road-trip 48. Gone rock climbing 49. Midnight walk on the beach 50. Gone sky diving 51. Visited Ireland 52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love 53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them 54. Visited Japan 55. Milked a cow 56. Alphabetized your CDs 57. Pretended to be a superhero 58. Sung karaoke 59. Lounged around in bed all day 60. Played touch football 61. Gone scuba diving 62. Kissed in the rain 63. Played in the mud 64. Played in the rain 65. Gone to a drive-in theater 66. Visited the Great Wall of China 67. Started a business 68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 69. Toured ancient sites 70. Taken a martial arts class 71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight 72. Gotten married 73. Been in a movie 74. Crashed a party 75. Gotten divorced 76. Gone without food for 5 days 77. Made cookies from scratch 78. Won first prize in a costume contest 79. Ridden a gondola in Venice 80. Gotten a tattoo 81. Rafted the Snake River 82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” 83. Got flowers for no reason 84. Performed on stage 85. Been to Las Vegas 86. Recorded music 87. Eaten shark 88. Kissed on the first date 89. Gone to Thailand 90. Bought a house 91. Been in a combat zone 92. Buried one/both of your parents 93. Been on a cruise ship 94. Spoken more than one language fluently 95. Performed in Rocky Horror 96. Raised children 97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour 99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country 100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over 101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking 103. Had plastic surgery 104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived 105. Wrote articles for a large publication 106. Lost over 100 pounds 107. Held someone while they were having a flashback 108. Piloted an airplane 109. Touched a stingray 110. Broken someone’s heart 111. Helped an animal give birth 112. Won money on a T.V. game show 113. Broken a bone 114. Gone on an African photo safari 115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears 116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 118. Ridden a horse 119. Had major surgery 120. Had a snake as a pet 121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states 124. Visited all 7 continents 125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 126. Eaten kangaroo meat 127. Eaten sushi 128. Had your picture in the newspaper 129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about 130. Gone back to school 131. Parasailed 132. Touched a cockroach 133. Eaten fried green tomatoes 134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey 135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read 136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 137. Skipped all your school reunions 138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language 139. Been elected to public office 140. Written your own computer language 141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream 142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care 143. Built your own PC from parts 144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you 145. Had a booth at a street fair 146. Dyed your hair 147. Been a DJ 148. Shaved your head 149. Caused a car accident 150. Saved someone’s life
They say that laughter is the best medicine. This is a forward I received from a friend and former student, Megan. It made me laugh out loud. It truly is a gift from God that we are able to laugh in the midst of sorrow and cry in the midst of joy. I hope you find a smile in these, too. :)
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up
Name: Aimee Home: Lima, Ohio, United States About Me: I own and run 123 Design Studio, a custom web and graphic design studio. I am mother to four wonderful boys: Max, age 10, Xavier, age 7, Eli, age 3, and Toby, age 1. Bryan & I have been married for 18 (mostly wonderful LOL) years. I eat excessive amounts of sugar and laugh inappropriately. See my complete profile
